Tomorrow will be 10 years since Richard died, I really can't believe it has been that long ago. I talked with his mom today, and told her I would be thinking of her tomorrow and might call again, or shoot her a text/email. I feel bad for her. My life is different, I have a husband, and all of my children by my side, everyone is healthy and happy, and here. She doesn't.
The only thing I can compare the loss of a child to is when Carson got diagnosed, we loved him, and knew no matter what we would always love him. But there is a mourning process that you go through because it is the death of something you had dreamt for that child, for their future. Thankfully we have our little boy, with us and thriving, surpassing all goals we have put up for him. Her son is gone, not coming back, and his children live with me, and another person's son is raising her grandchildren. I feel bad for her, I feel bad for the choices her son made, to make it hard for others, still 10 years after he has died.
To make it worse I called her today for great news for us, not such exciting news for them. I didn't hear about the change until today, and I wanted to give those who wanted to come as much of a notice to come as possible. It just happened to come the day before her son's 10 year mark. They came to the sealing and that was pretty emotional, hard for them, hard for me even, to see the saddness in their eyes. To say goodbye in a sense, sad. But I know our loving Father in Heaven will make things well for all those who are worthy to be in his presence, and that we will all be complete in the end.
The great news is that on March 18, we are FINALLY completing the Adoption process we started 7 years ago. We will meet with the judge and the boys will be legally part of The Land of D! A name is a name, and we are a family in every sense of the word, Luke is their dad, they love him as much as he loves them. I know it also bothered them to constantly have to explain why their last names are different from everyone else in the family, but it is just a name. They WANT to be D's but they also want to be R's, they want all of the family represented, so they will just have really long names. We are constantly representing ALL parts of our diverse situation. D's, R's,VHDDN's (her last names), and my family with our diversity, and Luke's as well, it is just well, our constant.
It isn't bad, it just makes it different. We are all family though, biology does not make a parent in our home, that sounds mean, but it really isn't. A family takes care of each other, a mom rubs kids bellies, brings them medicine, and a cold washcloth when they are sick. Dad's take trips up to the snow and build forts/igloo's and fart all night long. Dad's tickle and wrestle while mom's yell to stop because it is bedtime and to quit getting the kids all riled up. It is our family and I wouldn't have it any other way.
This is lil C's last moth of ABA, he will have some transition for a little while and then done. It has been over 46 months since we started 40+ hours a week in therapy. Now he has three shifts left, 6 more hours, total of ABA. He used to do that much in a day, at two years old.
WOW
Maybe I really am that mean of a mom...
Big C started school again, I realized I was doing him and the world a huge disservice by homeschooling him. He became lazy, like really lazy, not even wanting to pick up the mountain of clothes on his desk chair without a fit/flail of some sort. So I told him no more, he needed to be responsible to someone other than his mom, to direct in his learning while I continue to ruin his life by making him pick up his wet speedos from the floor after swim practice. He started the next day. He loves it, the girls think he is cute, and the boys wonder how it is he has such big muscles. He smiles a lot more and just tells anyone within ear shot that he swims...
J is in 6th and rides no longer alone to school since big C started coming along for the ride, and also isn't forgetting his lunch anymore! That could just possibly be that I haven't packed him one since C started because the school informed me that they provide both breakfast AND lunch at the school! so if they are really hungry they have a small bowl of cereal here and then ride to school and eat there also. Just you know a small bit of info to keep from your mom for months! The poor office ladies probably thought I was some crazy lady who only wanted her kids to eat food that came from home or something crazy when I brought his forgotten lunch to school.
He is sad right now because his 2nd Lizard died while on his weekend exchange and we told him he couldn't get another yet. He replaced the first within an hour of it dying and it was most definately not a teaching moment of mourning of the loss of a life. I happened to be black friday shopping and so Luke took him to buy it, I informed him that mourning needs to be addressed since we didn't know how the Cancer was going to be headed, and that if she died, you can't just replace her. All lives are valuable, regardless if it is a $5 lizard or your mom. So he is mad that he now thinks a week is mourning enough, we think he needs to show hard work/responsibility to show that he can provide for the lizard he wants. (we have consistantly purchased the food, when it wasn't supposed to be like that, but he had no $$) So he needs to show he can feed and work hard for the things he wants. He is a really good boy, just lazy
T is a trooper, he wakes at 6 and goes to school from 7:45-3:45, then has an hour of homework, every night. He loves it there, and likes nothing more than learning. He is a different kid, one of those quiet types who you think isn't listening, but ARE, ya, those type. But if you let him in just a little bit, he will talk your ear bloody. He just wants a warm body, you really don't even need to respond, just look in his direction and knod is good enough for him. (he really needs to work on his eye contact) he actually prefers if you don't respond! HA, wonder who's kid he is :)
Lil C is already not understanding that he has so much time off, he likes his teachers, and if he gets too much time off then he doesn't want to go to school at all. I need to find some playdates for the poor boy to keep him occupied a little better...if anyone wants we are free until 11 after the end of March :)
The big L is stressed, has a lot of work stuff going on, more info later as to changes for him, and me well I am the lucky lady who gets to clean up after all of these guys. I love my life!
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